


ein

by giftedsun



Category: BanG Dream! (Anime), BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, Falling In Love, Slow Burn, and vice versa, and yukina and lisa being actual seperate beings, bc lisa is a character not just an obstacle for yukisayo, but it will end in both being happy, ft. sayo's development not hinging on hina, kinda a fix-it fic, no-Roselia au, onesided yukilisa, sayo is a mega fan of hers, yukina is a famous solo artist
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-04
Updated: 2019-07-02
Packaged: 2019-10-22 02:58:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17654750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/giftedsun/pseuds/giftedsun
Summary: Yukina is a fairly popular solo artist.Sayo is her biggest fan.





	1. a rightful miracle

It’s not like Yukina is unsuccessful as a solo artist.

It’s quite the opposite, actually; over the past two years, she’s been wildly successful. Her singing has been praised almost excessively, and her email inbox is overflowing with offers from live houses. She doesn’t have any qualms speaking about her triumph in the music industry— Yukina knows she’s worked harder than anyone for what she’s achieved. And it’s not like she has anything else to brag about.

The truth is that all the news outlets are reporting that they’re living in “the era of the girl band.” This proves badly for a solo artist.

The other truth is that Yukina is a loser, and, though she would never admit it, is almost desperately in need of friends. Of course, she has Lisa, who has always been great to her, since they were children. But recently, Yukina’s been hyperaware of her dependence on her childhood friend, aware that Lisa is popular, and that her presence does nothing but hinder her best friend’s availability to others.

So, a girl band. After all, Yukina wouldn’t know where to start connecting to others without music.

She doesn’t know where to start. Although she knows all of the members of popular girl bands, Yukina isn’t sure which schools they go to. She knows she could ask Lisa to play the bass, even though the other girl hasn’t played for years, but that directs back to her dependence on Lisa. Still, Lisa is reliable and knows practically everyone, so going to her isn’t a bad idea.

Falling onto her bed, Yukina pulls out her phone.

**Yukina Minato: Lisa. Do you know of any girls who go to Haneoka who are also in a band?**

_ Lisa ~: Yukina!!  _

_ Lisa ~: Hmm~ I think Kaoru Seta and Hina Hikawa both play in a band. They were in my class last year and both talked about practicing sometimes!  _

_ Lisa ~: Any particular reason? :3 _

**Yukina Minato: Project. Thank you.**

Setting her phone down again, the grey-haired girl sighs. Seta-san, of Hello, Happy World! and Hikawa-san, of Pastel*Palettes. She’s heard of both. The two girls both have  _ large  _ personalities, to say the least, but Yukina’s been frequently hindered on her way out of school by crowds of girls surrounding Seta-san, so she figures Hikawa-san is the better girl to approach. 

At school the next day, Yukina tells Lisa to go ahead without her, citing business. She makes her way over to Hina in the other classroom, swerving clear of Kaoru's crowd of “kittens” as she enters.

“Hi, Yukina-chan!” Hina greets her happily, beaming as she speaks. Yukina can’t help but smile back; the other girl’s energy is infectious. She’s had the same thought before, watching Pasu*Pare perform. 

“Hikawa-san. I was wondering if you’d be able to assist me with something?” Yukina explains her plight, culminating in her request. “In summary, I was simply curious if you knew of any musicians who would be able to play for me.”

Hina instantly brightens more (if possible). “I could!” 

This surprises Yukina. To her knowledge, Pastel*Palettes is still going strong, but she decides to not question her first (and only) offer. “That would be great, thank you. What time would work for you?”

Hina scrunches her eyebrows together, mentally running through her schedule. “It would be totally boppin’ if you could do tomorrow night!”

Yukina doesn’t even pause before nodding her head. “Would you like to meet at CiRCLE, or another live house?”

“Ah, why don’t you just come to my house? My parents don’t mind the noise.”

“That sounds satisfactory. Here, I’ll give you my phone number, and you can text me your address.”

The pair successfully exchange numbers, bumping the number of contacts in her phone to six. (Her parents, Lisa, CiRCLE, Galaxy, and now Hina).

The night passes fairly quickly, as does the next school day. Lisa bids her goodbye as she heads to dance practice, and Yukina heads towards the address Hina’s texted her. The Hikawa residence seems to be in the direction of her house, a fair bit further, but Yukina knows she should be grateful for the exercise. 

And she is. That is, until the rain starts falling. It’s not much of a bother at first, a few drops here and there, but quickly becomes a downpour. Once again, Yukina’s dependence on Lisa gets the better of her; she hasn’t thought to carry an umbrella, knowing her friend always had an extra for her. 

By the time she arrives at the Hikawa house, Yukina is absolutely soaked. As soon as Hina opens the door, Yukina lowers her head. “Forgive me, Hikawa-san, but do you have a bathroom in which I can dry myself off? I’ll only be a moment.”

Hina directs her to the restroom. “Feel free to use any of the towels or anything! Just join me in my room when you’re done, it’s upstairs, the second bedroom on the left! See ya~”

Yukina takes a fair bit of time to clean herself off, drying her hair off and making sure she’s in good condition. She takes the time to make sure the sheet music she’s brought for Hina to play is dry as well; thankfully, her schoolbag is waterproof enough that it’s safe.

As she heads upstairs, Yukina attempts to recall Hina’s instructions. Second room on the left, right? The first door she opens is a closet, which counts as a room, right? So Hina’s room must be the second door upstairs, even though the first door is just a closet? Reassuring herself that this is the right room, Yukina’s fingers curl around the knob, and she opens the door.

Promptly, she’s greeted by her own face staring at her. Actually, scratch that, she’s greeted by her own face, multiplied countless times, staring at her. There are multiple posters on the wall, pins, tapestries, magazines. An autograph. A lone guitar rests against a wall. She thinks the itabag in the corner is all of her, as well. It’s strange, seeing so much of your own merchandise in one place. 

Yukina’s first thought: Hina must be a fan.

Yukina’s second thought: Wow, Hina must be a  _ huge _ fan.

But she’s been so caught up in her own image that she hasn’t even noticed the person in the room. The girl looks almost exactly the same as Hina, but is wearing an expression Yukina doesn’t think is capable of making.

The teal haired girl blushes bright, standing up from her desk, approaching Yukina.

“Ah! I— I’m sorry!” The other girl exclaims, slamming the door in Yukina’s face.

The noise startles Yukina, and she moves back from the door. It also draws Hina out of her room; the next door opening. 

(Ah. Second  _ bedroom  _ on the left.)

“Oh, Yukina-chan, you met Sayo! She’s embarrassed by it, but she likes you a lot! Isn’t that completely zappin’?” Hina bounces, grabbing the other girl’s arm and pulling her into the bedroom.

In shock, Yukina doesn’t respond. A thousand questions run through her mind. She settles on, “Are you two… related?”

“Mmhm! Identical twins.”

Yukina nods blankly. “But she doesn’t go to Haneoka, correct?”

“Yep! Sis goes to Hanasakigawa, just like Aya-chan and Chisato-chan and Eve-chan!”

Yukina nods and takes a seat on one of Hina’s chairs, zoning out slightly; still thinking of the other Hikawa— Sayo. “Ready to get started? I can play whenever!”

At the mention of music, Yukina snaps back to attention. “Yes, yes. I brought these songs for you to try out, feel free to use the sheet music.” She pulls out the printed sheets of notes. Hina glances at them for a moment or two before discarding them to the ground and picking up her guitar. Yukina’s eyes widen at the sight of the sheet music on the floor; Hina’s ability to pick up things is impressive.

She’s even more impressed when Hina begins to play. The teal haired girl plays effortlessly and nearly flawlessly for only looking at the chords for a moment. It’s almost scary. Yukina doesn’t play an instrument, but has been around musicians for her entire life: She knows when someone can play well, and Hina definitely can.

As soon as Hina finishes, Yukina rises up from her seat. “Hikawa-san. That was more than satisfactory. I’d like to offer you a spot in my band.”

To her surprise, Hina bursts out laughing. “Yukina-chan, I’m already in a band!”

She’s majorly taken aback. “What? Then why did you say you could play for me? Hikawa-san, explain.”

“Oh, I thought you just meant to get a sample— a feeling, maybe— not as a full-time band member! I thought it was obvious that I’m with Pasu*Pare.”

Yukina feels her stomach drop: back to square one. “What about your sister, perhaps? I saw a guitar in her room…”

Hina scratches the back of her neck. “Onee-chan doesn’t play anymore.” She sighs, looking as deflated as Yukina’s ever seen her. “She’s much too busy… or something…” 

Yukina nods in understanding. “Well, since I misunderstood, I think we’re done here.”

“If you’re hungry, you can stay for dinner!”

Yukina politely declines. “No, that’s okay. Thank you.”

Hina leads her out, and Yukina makes her way home in peace. Her mind is consumed by thoughts of her barely-incepted band, all through her walk, and dinner. 

But when she finally lays down in her bed, she can’t help but think of the one thing she’s been ignoring: Hina’s mysterious sister. Sayo. Yukina tests the name out in her head.  _ Sayo Hikawa.  _ So much about their short encounter was strange. Normally, Yukina would resolve to let it go, but she can’t help but wonder about her ‘super fan.’ Why doesn’t she play the guitar anymore? Why did she slam the door on Yukina?

Selfishly, Yukina thinks: Why does she like me so much?

If her heart beats faster when she considers the last question, no one else needs to know.


	2. press onward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sayo angst. rinko is a great friend. hina is maybe a wingman?

How do you recover from  _ literally  _ slamming a door in your idol’s face?

That’s the question on Sayo’s mind as she reels back from the door. Her face burns as she collapses on her bed, burns harder as she looks up into Yukina Minato’s printed eyes, staring down at her. From multiple angles.

“Ugh,” She sighs, looking up at the ceiling, away from those golden eyes. She can’t decide which is more embarrassing: Yukina seeing all the posters or Sayo’s reaction. 

She swears she didn’t mean for it to get this far.

Of course, Sayo’s known of Yukina Minato for a while. In her first year of high school, when she still played guitar, Sayo had been fairly active in the local music scene. And Yukina exploded onto the scene, powerful vocals and crisp demeanor. Her voice was impressive for anyone, but especially so of someone so young. Every local live house was clamoring to book her. Sayo had seen some of her shows, looking in before rehearsals with any of her failed bands, and was geniunely impressed.

So when Sayo had put down the guitar for good, she hadn’t stopped picking up magazines with Yukina features in them. When a poster of the grey-haired girl had fallen out of one, Sayo had barely hesitated before hanging it up. After all, she respected Yukina. Liked the other girl’s songs. It was nice to have some decoration as well.

Then the whole thing had kind of… escalated, and Sayo found herself to be something of a collectionist. She prided herself on her Yukina merch, even snagging some items from Yukina’s first show. Whenever she wasn’t in the kyudo shed, working with the Student Council, or doing her schoolwork, you were bound to find her on her laptop, paging through auction sites.

Logically, Sayo knows Yukina goes to Hina’s school, that they’re in the same year. She knows Yukina is real, is just a student, is just a high schooler with an impressive voice. Sayo can’t help but look up to her; hold her as an ideal. But she knows Yukina is real, she’s too levelheaded to delude herself of that.

But knowing that Yukina is real is much different than being confronted with the girl herself.

Sayo brings her clenched fist to her chest, feeling her fast-paced heartbeat. Her face is still flushed, she can tell, but at the very least, she’s calming down.

For a moment, Sayo considers exiting her room, finding Yukina, gracefully apologizing. She could tell Yukina that listening to her music makes Sayo want to pick up that guitar again, to play along, to soar on the wings of her music. Maybe Yukina would ask to hear her play— and, wildly, Sayo considers Yukina asking her to join a band with her. Sayo’s heartbeat speeds. She forcefully gets up from the bed. She’ll do it, she’ll do it— 

And then she hears the fearless strum of a guitar, and the lump that rises in her throat brings tears to her eyes. 

Ah. In her rush, she hadn’t stopped to consider why Yukina was here. Hina’s lively guitar explains it all— they must be forming a band together. The twist in her gut is painful, but Sayo chooses to ignore it, abandoning all her daydreaming and despairing to go to her desk. She has Student Council work, after all.

She’s learned long enough that there’s no point in hoping for impossible things. She’ll let it go. 

“Ah, good morning, Hikawa-san!” Rinko Shirokane greets her brightly as she enters the Student Council room. Sayo’s been there for at least an hour already, arriving as soon as the school opened, not wanting to face Hina. 

She can’t believe Hina would lie to her.

After mulling it over for the thirty minutes between Yukina departing and dinner beginning, Sayo had asked her sister: “What do you plan to call your band with Minato-san?”

“Hm? Yukina-chan and I aren’t forming a band!”

Sayo had just turned back to her food but spoke nonetheless. “Then why was she here yesterday?”

“Oooh, I was just playin’ a little for her! She’s so cool, by the way! I mean, I knew her singing was so zappin’ but—”

Sayo turned her head away. “Just stop, Hina.”

“Hello, Shirokane-san.” 

The other girl joins Sayo at the long club table. The two work in silence for a bit, setting up club budgets on a shared document. Arisa Ichigaya hasn’t arrived yet, but that’s fine— really, only the president needs to arrive early. The mood is pleasant, and Sayo feels some of her pent-up feelings evaporate. Maybe she was too hard on Hina— after all, she can’t really blame her sister. But it still hurts.

Noticing the pause of the sound of fingers typing, Sayo glances up at Rinko. The black haired girl is smiling happily at her phone, nearly beaming as her slim fingers quickly type out a reply. Sayo feels a bit of fondness overcome her; Rinko’s been a good friend to her, and it pleases her to see her friends happy. “Did something good happen?” She initiates, smiling slightly.

Rinko startles at Sayo’s question, eyes widening when she realizes the expression she must have been wearing. “Aah, no! I mean, yes! S-something very good… is happening…” 

Sayo feels her eyes go soft. “Go on, please.”

Rinko looks up to meet her eyes. “I told you… about that girl I met in that online game, right?” At Sayo’s nod, she continues, “We’ve… been talking… and last night, we made a plan to meet up together… I-I’m very excited!”

Sayo smiles enthusiastically. “That’s great, Shirokane-san.” She pauses for a moment and continues, brows furrowing, “Forgive me asking, but do you worry… worry it won’t be the same?”

Rinko tips her head closer to Sayo. “Hikawa-san, is this about Yukina-san?”

“No.” Sayo tries to play it cool, her red cheeks giving her away. “It’s not the same situation anyways. You know that. I was just… wondering.”

A faint smile plays on Rinko’s lips. “I… I think that… we know each other so well… that even if it is awkward… we’ll be okay. We already know each other after all… It’ll work out in the end… because we both want it to work out equally… if we both give it our all, and reach out firmly… it has to work out, right?”

Sayo looks up into Rinko’s eyes. She’s never heard the other girl speak so much, and with all the words building up within her, all she can mutter is a, “I hope you two have a great time, Shirokane-san.” 

Before Rinko can answer, the door swings open, and a stern voice carries through it.

“Ka-su-mi! You cannot be in here, you know the rule: band business is strictly for after school!”

The peaceful moment is broken, and the world continues spinning: Kasumi and Arisa are bickering again.

Throughout the school day, Sayo keeps recalling Rinko’s words.  _ “If we both give it our all, and reach out firmly… it has to work out, right?” _

Reaching out firmly…

She tries to focus in class, but a thousand thoughts are swirling around her head. Yukina… Rinko… the band… guitar… Hina. 

Flipping to a clean sheet of paper, Sayo composes a letter to her sister. An apology. A truce.  _ Reaching out firmly _ , as Rinko had said.

She slips it under Hina’s door as she arrives home, and promptly closes her door.

Fifteen minutes later, Sayo hears a knock at her door. She fully expects her sister to be standing outside it, but instead, all she sees is a piece of folded paper.

It reads:

_ “♡ Hey sis! I read your letter! I have band practice, but we can try and hang out later, right? _

_ I think I hurt you, and I think that I’ve made a lot of mistakes. I want to try harder to know you, onee-chan!  _

_ So hopefully this can help out some: _

_ Yukina -chan’s phone number: (xxx) xxx - xxxx _

_ See ya! Hina ~” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aa! i know, another chapter already~ the truth is, i really love this au. i'll do my best to keep writing for you guys! let me know what you think!!


	3. be all one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> first (real) contact.

Five days into her search, Yukina is almost ready to admit defeat and ask Lisa for help. It wouldn’t be the worst idea, but she knows Lisa too well, and wouldn’t want her problem to become Lisa’s sole focus. On their walk to school, she’s considering it seriously, when Lisa stops in her tracks.

“Yukina~ Look at that cat!”

Lisa’s finger points to a grey adult cat standing on a wall. The feline is cute, and Yukina feels herself blush as she fishes her phone out of her school bag. “Lisa, would you mind taking a picture for me?” 

Lisa takes the phone wordlessly, grinning at Yukina. She doesn’t have to ask why Yukina doesn’t just take the photo herself. Cats tend to run away from Yukina, no matter how gentle she is. Lisa, however, has a gift for interacting with animals, no matter how timid. Lisa steps closer to take the photo, leans in—

“Ah!” She exclaims. The cat runs away. Yukina frowns. How disappointing. 

“Are you okay?” She asks, approaching Lisa. Her best friend simply extends Yukina’s phone towards her, finger pointing to a tiny box at the top.

Oh. Yukina has a notification.

_ Unknown Number: Hello. _

Yukina furrows her eyebrows. Lisa’s mouth is hanging open. Another text message pops up on the screen.

_ Unknown Number: I received your phone number from my sister. _

Lisa holds the phone as far away from her as possible, looking as if she’s afraid it might hurt her. “Yukina! I think you have a stalker!”

Yukina sighs, and takes the phone from Lisa. “I’m sure its nothing. I’ll get to the bottom of this.” She slides the device back in her bag. “Let’s get going.”

School bores Yukina, to say the least. She knows Haneoka is a great school, knows the importance of education, but can’t bring herself to care. She wants to be a musician. She really doesn’t need to know Algebra to do that. Her grades aren’t abysmal, thanks to Lisa, but they aren’t amazing. And she’s fine with that. Instead of paying much attention in class, Yukina makes lists of avenues to consider in her search for bandmates. She’s starting to seriously consider fighting her way through Kaoru Seta’s kittens for a chance to ask for some advice.

Then the school day is over. As on most days, Yukina and Lisa walk home together. Yukina bids her friend farewell, heads into her house, shuts the door into her room, falls into her bed. 

That’s when she allows herself to look at her phone.

**Five new messages.**

_ Unknown number: This is Hikawa Sayo. Hikawa Hina is my sister. I wished to apologize for my actions when we met the other day. _

_ Unknown number: Ah. That is, when I. Closed the door in your face. _

_ Unknown number: I must admit I was embarrassed by my collection of your merchandise.   _

_ Unknown number: However, I shouldn’t have been. I’m not ashamed to be a fan of your work, in fact, I should be proud to like an artist as talented as you. _

_ Unknown number: Pardon me for contacting you, I just felt I must apologize. I hope I do not bother you too much, but I very much enjoy your work. Thank you. _

The smile falls onto Yukina’s face without her willing it. Not a stalker, then. Quickly, she saves the number in her phone, and types out a reply.

**Yukina Minato: Don’t worry about contacting me. I appreciate your apology, though I don’t feel as if it is necessary.**

The reply is instantaneous.

_ Sayo Hikawa: What do you mean? _

**Yukina Minato: Well, I was rather… touched by your “collection,” as you call it. I don’t often have a scope of my own fans, so to see that, I was greatly pleased. Thank you for your devotion!**

_ Sayo Hikawa: You’re worth being devoted to.  _

Yukina touches her own face, surprised by the heat she finds there. She doesn’t understand it— she barely knows Sayo, hasn’t said a word to her in person, and yet, this keeps happening. 

**Yukina Minato: Pardon me for asking, but when we “met,” I did notice a guitar in your room… Do you happen to play?**

**Yukina Minato: I’m looking to put together a band. I heard your sister play, and she was very good, but she’s already preoccupied.**

She expects a quick reply, similar to the ones she’s gotten before, but it doesn’t come.

* * *

 

On the other side of the screen, Sayo weighs her options.

Texting Yukina Minato was a risky idea in the first place, and the fact that she did it at the urging of Hina— queen of risky ideas—probably made it worse. Still, it had been nearly a week since Hina had given her the phone number, and her little sister wouldn’t stop urging her to text the other girl.

Also, every time she thought of her encounter with Yukina, she wanted to die. 

So she had sent the messages, and double-triple-quadruple-quintuple texted out of stress, and worried about it the entire school day. It was a good thing Rinko was in her class to calm her down, otherwise, she might have exploded.

And then the reply came, and she detonated.

When Yukina had sent back that message, Sayo had been sitting with Hina downstairs. She had been trying to get closer with her younger sister, spend more time together. At the reply, she had instantly flushed red, and ran upstairs, slamming the door behind her. The blush hadn’t faded through their short conversation, until— 

She hadn’t expected Yukina to bring up her guitar. Honestly, it's surprising that the other girl managed to notice it. The first thought that had floated through her head was  _ “Wow. She must have sharp eyes.” _

Then the panic set in. 

Thinking about playing the guitar makes her chest tighten, and not in a good way. It makes her feel confined, back in that box, the tiny place full of hatred and failure and darkness. She can’t do it again. There’s no way.

But she doesn’t want to let Yukina down. 

But the guitar is so tainted for her now. Even if she’s forgiven Hina, even if she wants to move past it, the idea of picking up her guitar makes her want to vomit.

She releases the phone from her tight grip. Sayo’s sitting on the floor, back against the door, and once she drops her phone, she leans forward to curl her arms around her legs.

Playing the guitar isn’t an option.

_ Breathe in. _

But she doesn’t want to let Yukina down.

_ Breathe out _ .

What…?

_ Breathe in _ .

Sayo has to tell her.

_ Breathe out. _

Maybe she’ll understand…?

_ Breathe in. _

Hopefully she’ll understand.

* * *

 

It’s an hour before Yukina gets a reply.

_ Sayo Hikawa: I don’t, or, rather, I can’t play the guitar. Anymore. _

Yukina heaves a sigh. She knows what Hina told her, but had hoped for a different answer.

_ Sayo Hikawa: However, I might be able to help you out. _

**Yukina Minato: How so?**

_ Sayo Hikawa: I keep up with local musicians (you included) feverently. I may be able to help find you satisfactory artists…? _

_ Sayo Hikawa: Of course, don’t feel obligated to accept. _

**Yukina Minato: ...I would greatly appreciate it.**

Her fingers pause before sending the next message. It’s unlike her. 

**Yukina Minato: However, would you be willing to meet in person? I feel as if we would work best in person.**

Her racing heartbeat is irrational, she tells herself. Yukina knows that she hardly knows this girl, has only seen her in person once. But she can’t help her fondness, or her excitement at possibly seeing her again.

_ Sayo Hikawa: I agree. Let’s set a date and place.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another chapter!! i think i'll set a goal of 1k - 2k words per chapter -- i feel as if i write better in chunks around this size!   
> also, i'll be adding chapter titles!! i'll use mostly roselia lyrics / etc/   
> thanks for reading!


	4. (un)faltering words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't look back on this path called "the beginning" / Just keep your gaze straight ahead (Kiseki)  
> more yukina & sayo text talk.

_ Sayo Hikawa: Did you happen to see this piece of merchandise while you looked for the NFO merch? _

Attached is a screenshot of one of her early pieces of merchandise; from her first live show, if she’s not wrong. The message is timestamped at 3 am.

**Yukina Minato: I was sleeping, certainly not looking for… “NFO merchandise”...**

_ Sayo Hikawa: Ah! That was intended for someone else— Sorry for bothering you, Minato-san. It will not happen again. _

Yukina bites back a smile, trying to hide her amusement even though she’s alone in her room. She should be getting ready for school, but then again, so should Sayo.

**Yukina Minato: Sayo-san, you can bother me anytime. … But should you be staying up that late?**

_ Sayo Hikawa: It is not a frequent occurrence. I had thoughts that kept me up, nothing more. _

**Yukina Minato: You can talk to me about them, you know.**

It's been a few days since they set up their meeting together, for that coming Saturday. They haven’t really texted, each unaware of how much the other wanted to, and each equally inept at starting conversation.

_ Sayo Hikawa: It’s a kind offer, Minato-san. But I don’t want you to feel obligated— we hardly know each other. _

Yukina puts down her phone, fidgets with her school uniform as she tries to figure out what to reply. There are two options: the safe option, and the bold one. She’s unsure which to pick. 

A voice in her head that sounds like Lisa suggests, “Be brave, Yukina.”

So she tries to be.

**Yukina Minato: But I’d like to know you better.**

_ Sayo Hikawa: And I you. _

**Yukina Minato: This is unlike me, but on Saturday… perhaps it can not all be buisness?**

**Yukina Minato: I mean, it would be nice to talk. To become friends.**

_ Sayo Hikawa: I wouldn’t be adverse to that. _

_ Sayo Hikawa: I know it’s sickeningly modern, but in the meantime… we could speak here? Or type, rather. _

A smile blooms on Yukina’s face.

**Yukina Minato: Yes, of course.**

* * *

 

“Hikawa-san? Are you okay?” Rinko reaches over the table to place a hand on Sayo’s forehead. “You’re running hot.” She frowns. “Are you sick?”

Sayo doesn’t even register the hand on her forehead. She’s staring down at her phone, slight smile on her face.  _ Yukina wants to get to know me. _ The thought makes her giddy, like some middle-schooler with a crush. (As if she’d know.)

A moment later, she recognizes the pressure on her forehead and looks up. It’s a feat to not jump in surprise, but she manages it, pursing her lips and answering Rinko with a cool, “No.”

Rinko gives Sayo a knowing  _ look _ , and for a moment, Sayo almost regrets becoming friends with her. After all, if the two weren’t so close, she knows Rinko would never have the courage to say what she says next. 

“Sayo-san.” Rinko says, and her eyes widen at the use of her first name. The hand drops from her forehead. “Do you have a crush on Yukina-san?”

“It’s not like that,” Sayo protests. 

From the other side of the council room, Arisa sighs. “If you have a crush on her, you should just tell her.”

Sayo frowns. “I simply admire her body of work.”

“Her  _ body— _ ” Arisa starts before being interrupted.  __

“There’s nothing wrong with having a celebrity crush, Hikawa-san.” Rinko stresses. Arisa hums in agreement.

“There is when you’re trying to be friends with her.” Sayo shoots back.

Rinko nods sagely. “But why else would you be smiling like that?”

Sayo huffs. “Shirokane-san, how did your meeting with your friend go?” She asks, half to change the subject, half out of genuine curiosity. As expected, Rinko immediately adopts a smile.

“It went well. V-very well… Ako-chan is exactly the same in person… We got along very well… We went to her house, and played NFO together… and I ate dinner with her family. All of the Udagawas were really nice.”

“Udagawa?” Sayo questions, interest piqued. “As in Tomoe Udagawa?”

“That’s Ako-chan’s sister.” Rinko frowns slightly, more out of bemusement than displeasure. “You know her?”

“Udagawa-san— That is, Tomoe-san— is one of the best local drummers. She performs in the girl band Afterglow, a group formed from five childhood friends. Their vocalist, Mitake Ran, has a fierce rivalry with Yuki—” She cuts herself off when she sees the look on Rinko’s face; a slight smile and slightly inturned brows. Pity. “I apologize, Shirokane-san. I didn't mean to interrupt your story.” 

“That’s all there is, really.” Rinko turns back to her laptop, sparing one last glance at Sayo before diverting her attention away. “Just try and get to know her better. That’s what you want after all.”

“Talk to her!” Arisa echoes, back still turned. 

Sayo huffs a sigh. “What do I even say? I don’t really know how to… converse like that. You two are my closest friends, and that’s because of student council.”

“Don’t look at me!” Arisa yelps. “My closest friends are my closest friends because Kasumi broke into my shed.” 

Rinko hmms. “I think you need to find what works for you.”

Sayo frowns, and unlocks her phone.

_ Sayo Hikawa:  _ ~~_ Have you ever broken into a shed? _ ~~

_ Sayo Hikawa:  _ ~~_ Do you play Neo Fantasy Online? _ ~~

_ Sayo Hikawa:  _ ~~_ Do you think that it's possible to overcome a complex that is harmful to both you and everyone around you? _ ~~

_ Sayo Hikawa:  _ ~~_ I think you’re extremely pretty. _ ~~

_ Sayo Hikawa: Which do you prefer, cats or dogs? _

* * *

 

Yukina replies to the text as she walks out the door.

**Yukina Minato: Cats, greatly. And you?**

Her phone goes back in her pocket as she greets Lisa, but she finds herself inching it back out to read Sayo’s reply as they walk.

_ Sayo Hikawa: I’d have to say dogs. _

_ Sayo Hikawa: Hopefully this is not a dealbreaker. _

A joke! Yukina let out a quiet laugh, typing out a quick reply.

**Yukina Minato: My heart is surely broken by your love of dogs.**

**Yukina Minato: Is this your idea, then? To get to know each other through menial questions?**

_ Sayo Hikawa: I suppose so. Unless you have an objection? _

_ Sayo Hikawa: A sort of speed-friend-dating, if you will. _

**Yukina Minato: Well, then, what’s your favorite ice cream flavor?**

“Yukina?” Lisa’s voice cuts through Yukina’s focus on her phone. “Whatcha doin’?”

“Ah, nothing!” She puts her phone in her school bag.

“I just… well, I just miss you, Yukina! I feel as if we haven’t been talking lately…” Lisa puts her hand on Yukina’s shoulder. “I miss you!” She repeats, squeezing Yukina’s shoulder.

Yukina frowns. “I haven’t… gone anywhere, though... We simply missed a few days walking home together, correct?”

Lisa’s smile drops, and so does her arm off of the other girl’s shoulder. “But… that’s what we always do. It’s an important tradition, right?”

Yukina nods. “Yes, I suppose. But that doesn’t mean its law, correct? I had things to do.”

Lisa’s smile returns, albeit tightly. “I like it. Don’t you?”

“Yes, I do.”

“To make up for it, let’s spend time together! I’ll come over this Saturday, okay? I can cook and we can hang out and talk. It’ll be great.”

Yukina clenches her fist, anxious. She doesn’t like letting Lisa down. “I have a meeting all day on Saturday. I’m sorry, Lisa.”

Her best friend looks agape for a second. “All day?” She shakes her head. “Never mind. Don’t worry about it. Maybe Sunday, then?” 

When Yukina responds affirmatively, Lisa’s smile loosens a bit. 

Yukina forces herself not to glance at her phone again— she doesn’t want to disrespect Lisa— and she can’t look at it through the school day, but as soon as she gets home, she slides her phone unlocked to Sayo’s messages.

**Yukina Minato: I’m more partial to lighter flavors. Matcha ice cream is particularly good.**

_ Sayo Hikawa: Next question, then. _

_ Sayo Hikawa: Do you ever get nervous? When you’re performing? _

Yukina exhales, and takes a moment to think. She can’t remember ever feeling anything but comfortable onstage, anything but in her element.

**Yukina Minato: Not such a menial question.**

**Yukina Minato: But no, not really.**

_ Sayo Hikawa: ...Interesting. _

**Yukina Minato: I mean, the stage is the one place in life where I excel.**

**Yukina Minato: If I can’t feel comfortable there, where else?**

_ Sayo Hikawa: I wish… _

_ Sayo Hikawa: Ah, never mind. Sorry. _

Yukina knows she should respect Sayo’s boundaries, but her curiosity gets the better of her. (No wonder she likes cats so much.)

**Yukina Minato: No. Please say it.**

**Yukina Minato: Don’t feel as if you have to censor yourself with me.**

There’s a long pause until the next message.

_ Sayo Hikawa: I just wanted to say I wished I could find that level of comfort some place, some day. _

Her heart skips a beat.

**Yukina Minato: ...I hope I can provide that. Someday.**

Yukina slams her phone face down on the ground as soon as she types out the message, holding her breath in worry until she hears the vibrations of a reply.

_ Sayo Hikawa: I would like that very much. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ein now has a PLAYLIST ! (https://open.spotify.com/user/emilyfernandez82603/playlist/7orlapYGYwDdLvKAM9HOIs?si=BLNjEfc4TlGbGtDvL--tFw) not every song is directly related, but i listen to it when i write!  
> as always, feedback is greatly appreciated! my twitter is @ chkariko if you have any interest in contacting me there ~~~


	5. i promise, i'll accept these scars.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> first real (physical) contact.  
> (chap. title from sanctuary)

On Saturday morning, Sayo tries not to let the oncoming events shape her outfit choice. She tries not to think about the fact that she’s meeting up with Yukina— but how can she really forget when the vocalist’s face is plastered all over her room? It’s a futile effort, and in the midst of preparing herself, she sends Yukina a text.

_ Sayo Hikawa: Good morning. I’ll see you at 11? _

**Yukina Minato: I’ll see you soon.**

A giddy feeling arises in Sayo’s stomach. She quickly pushes it down. She’s just going to meet a girl— not even a friend, really. A business partner. Although the pair has been exchanging text messages all week, Sayo isn’t in the habit of assuming her relationships with people. 

They’ve agreed to meet at CiRCLE at 11am. The live house is fairly close to the Hikawa residence, but Sayo’s nerves drive her out of the house at nine. On her short walk, she can’t stop thinking about the incredulousness of it all. She’s going to spend the day with Yukina Minato. The incredibly gifted vocalist. The girl who she’s been texting for days. Regarding “the girl she texts, Yukina” as one and the same as “the talented singer, Yukina Minato” has been harder than she thought.

Predictably, she arrives at CiRCLE much earlier than she really needs to. Everything inside her feels shaken, and her mind is drawing on Rinko’s frequently-given advice more than it really should be. “ _ I… I think that… we know each other so well… that even if it is awkward… we’ll be okay.” _

But this isn’t the same as Rinko and Ako. She really just knows a bunch of random information about Yukina, nothing that she couldn’t have gained out of baseless gossip magazines. (That’s ignoring the several casually thrown remarks that have made her blush harder than anything.) Despite Rinko’s advice ringing in her ears, she doesn’t feel at ease at all.

Maybe drinking something will make her feel better. That’s what Sayo reasons, and it would be rude to not order anything for Yukina. (Usual coffee order had been a question earlier that week.) Sayo sits at a table, sips her caffe latte, and sets the black coffee, twelve sugars at the other side of the table. 

She sets her laptop in front of her as well, the black screen staring back at her as she drifts into thought again.

The truth is, Sayo is  _ scared _ . She’s spent her whole life being second-best. She’s trying to mend her relationship with Hina as best she can, but that doesn’t erase the damages from having a genius twin sister. And although Yukina already knows Hina and has continued talking to Sayo, she can’t shake the fact that she won’t ever be good enough for anyone. 

And especially not Yukina Minato.

So that’s why more than simple nerves are plaguing her. Yukina has said that she wants to be Sayo’s friend, she wants to provide a space of comfort, but what if once they meet, Yukina just… doesn’t. 

The thought plagues her, and in an almost desperate attempt to clear her mind, Sayo clicks on her favorite auction site. It’s bookmarked. The kanji for “Yukina Minato” is thrown in the search bar instantly, and Sayo finds herself deep within the listings in seconds.

“I can just give you some of that merchandise, you know.” 

Yukina stands behind her, a slight smile on her face. It’s disconcerting to Sayo— on her posters, Yukina is always mid-belt, or looking powerfully neutral. (Sayo likes this better.)

“Ah, Minato-san! I apologize, I didn’t realize it was nearing this time.”

“Sayo-san, didn’t I tell you before? Don’t apologize. I appreciate it.” The grey-haired girl extends her hand, and Sayo rises from the table to accept it. “Yukina Minato. I’m glad we’re finally meeting in person.”

“Sayo Hikawa. So am I.” They shake, and for a brief moment, Sayo appreciates the cold touch of the other girl’s hand. 

Yukina goes to the other side of the table, picking up the coffee cup and taking a gentle sip. “You remembered.” She says, sounding unexpectedly happy. “...Why is it cold.” She states bluntly, eyebrows furrowing.

“I didn’t think… I ordered it earlier. I’ll get you another.” She does so before Yukina can protest, coming back to find the other girl seated, pulling out her own laptop. Yukina accepts the warm mug with pleasure, bowing her head slightly in thankfulness. 

They quickly fall into talking about music. Sayo lists the most influential local bands— Poppin’ Party, Hello, Happy World, Pastel*Palettes, Afterglow, and Raise A Suilen. It doesn’t help much with locating group members, but the two girls pick out the things they like most about them, everything they want to transfer into Yukina’s band. Sayo says that helping find a focused concept will draw members in, and Yukina agrees. Poppin’ Party and Hello, Happy World have this youthful charm that Yukina doesn’t want at all; the girl desires a very mature aura. But Yukina likes Afterglow’s heavy-rock feel, and Raise a Suilen’s EDM influences. She wants a touch of gothic energy, much like Yukina herself has.

The conversation goes off course more than once, and Sayo finds they get along as well, if not better, in person. They’re both naturally serious people, but neither one stops it when their discussion devolves from their reason for gathering. 

Texting random questions was great. More than Sayo could have hoped for. But speaking with Yukina, face-to-face, is wonderful. She had all these worries about Yukina seeming unreal, her two images of the girl clashing, but they just fall together perfectly. 

Sayo’s just finished telling the story of her first band when another girl approaches Yukina.  It’s probably for the best, as she was about to reach the fairly sad conclusion, but being interrupted still puts Sayo off. 

“Yukina~!” The brunette calls, waving from a distance. “I thought you had a business meeting?” She asks, mouth turning up slightly. “You didn’t tell me you were hanging out with someone elseeee — Hi! I’m Lisa!”

“Minato-san’s told me a bit about you. Nice to meet you. I’m Sayo Hikawa.” 

Lisa directs her attention back to Yukina, eyebrows furrowing as Yukina’s had before. “Eh? I thought she was, yknow,” Her voice drops to what Lisa probably thinks is a whisper. Sayo hears her clearly. “ _ The stalker fan. _ ”

Even if she hadn’t heard, Yukina repeats the words at normal volume. “She’s not a stalker. That was a misunderstanding. Sayo is helping me form a band, and,” She glances at the other girl, “Is my friend. I’ll see you tomorrow, Lisa.”

Yukina turns back towards Sayo. Lisa looks scorned, but still pulls on a smile as she bids them farewell. 

Sayo raises her eyebrows at Yukina. “Stalker…? I did not mean to put you off that much.”

“As I said, Lisa misunderstood.”

“Still, I regret that my actions would make either of you assume as such. I hope you don’t feel as if you’re here just to appease me, a crazed fan. Which I am not, I assure you. But if you feel as such, I’m more than happy to le—”

She’s cut off by the pressure of Yukina’s finger against her mouth, childishly silencing her. Yukina’s sharp eyes look more serious than ever. “Sayo. If I did not want to be here, I would not be. I enjoy your company greatly. Don’t misunderstand that.” 

She removes her finger gently. Sayo blinks in shock. “Thank you, Minato-san.”

Yukina nods, and then considers something. “I don’t want to pry, but it keeps pulling at me. Why don’t you play the guitar anymore?”

Sayo looks down. “I don’t like to talk about it.”

“I want to hear your music. More than anything. This passion you have for music deserves to live in so much more than you flipping through magazines. I want you in my band, Sayo.”

Sayo keeps her eyes trained on the ground.  “I’m not at your level, anyways. If you want my involvement, I do not mind helping you with this further. Managing the group, in a way. But I cannot play the guitar.”

Yukina’s lips are pressed in a thin line, and although she nods, she does not seem satisfied. Sayo’s insides twist. She hates that look on Yukina’s face. More than anything, she wants to appease the other girl, but guitar is the one thing she cannot do, under any circumstances.

But still, its that look on Yukina’s face that pulls at her. Even once she gets home, it flashes in the back of her eyelids, carrying her to her room, to that corner—

And Sayo picks up her guitar, and for once, does not feel hatred.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING!!! sorry for the delay in this chapter. this will probably be the only new chapter this week (tech week makes time for anything else sparse) so i hope this is good enough!!! thank you for reading!!!!


	6. safe&sound

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guitar practice. Accidental texts. Sunset moments.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i apologize for the delay! hopefully this chapter makes up for it!! it's a bit longer than normal as well, so i hope that helps!  
> a note: this will become semi-important in this chapter, but RAS, at the moment, is still using Tae as their support guitarist! i play fast and loose w canon (esp because it's still ongoing as i write this), but that's what i'm sticking with.  
> happy birthday sayo !!

It’s embarrassing, how poor her skills are now. She hasn’t touched the guitar in what’s bordering on 6 months, hasn’t seriously played in nearly a year. Despite her years of painstaking practice, dutiful hours in the studio and her bedroom, Sayo’s reconciliation with the guitar is  _ not  _ like riding a bike. 

That first night, she plays until her fingers bleed. When she sees the blood, halfway into Yukina’s  _ Louder _ , Sayo puts the guitar down. She knows her limits, and, honestly, it's a surprise to herself that she hadn’t realized so sooner. It’s beyond childish to push herself so hard, this she knows, but when she played…

It’s been so long since she’s been able to give herself over to the guitar. So long since she didn’t think of her sister when she played. And on this night, she’s been able to experience that free feeling again.

Sayo didn’t know how much she missed it until she had it again

She’s thought of Yukina’s music as something that let her soar again, like the freed bird on the cover of  _ Louder _ , just while listening to it. The feeling she has playing that music… it’s everything that  _ free _ feeling is, but amped up to 100. It’s amazing. Bleeding fingers aside. 

It’s that night, under the gaze of the moon and Yukina (in poster form), that Sayo vows to become good enough to play in Yukina’s band. Whatever it takes, she will stand by Yukina’s side, and know that she deserves to be there.

After their first meeting, Sayo expected her relationship with Yukina to become more professional, and strictly kept to text. After all, to be friends with your band’s manager is unprofessional and unneeded. Sayo herself would never do such a thing.

Despite her view on the subject, she doesn’t find herself refusing when Yukina invites her out to tea the next day.

They don’t speak of the band at all, nor does Yukina ask about the guitar again. Instead, they discuss ordinary, mundane things. Sayo feels herself fill with warmth, with fondness. 

Yukina invites her out again, for coffee, and again, for lunch, and once more, to a bookstore she thinks Sayo will like. They walk down the street together, often, and Sayo thinks of taking the other girl’s hand, but doesn’t. Sayo takes a step forward, asks Yukina to dinner.

She’s sure the other girl will say no, even after encouragement from Hina, Arisa, Rinko, and even Chisato Shirasagi, all of who have taken a profound interest in her friendship with Yukina.

But Yukina gladly accepts, giving Sayo one of her pretty small smiles, and they make plans to meet at a restaurant while Imai Lisa flits about in the background. She looks concerned, and Sayo cannot stop the press in her gut that worries about Imai-san’s impression of her. It’s incredibly juvenile, but she wants the other girl to like her as Yukina does. 

The dinner goes well, both enjoying themselves, talking well after the food leaves the table and the sun goes down. Yukina begins calling her, simply, “Sayo,” and Sayo feels the absence of the “san” like a pressing comfort, warm against her back. She blames her innate cowardance for being unable to do the same,  regretting every “Yukina-san” that rolls off her tongue. Yukina says nothing of it. 

Sayo’s days are spent at school, afternoons spent with Yukina, Hina, or Rinko (the other girl has roped her into playing NFO, and she finds the game quite interesting), but her nights are devoted to guitar. She doesn’t let her fingers bleed again, but for at least two hours each night, she gives herself over to the instrument. She practices in her bedroom, finding herself too unskilled to rent a room at CiRCLE, which, unable to avoid the inevitable— 

“Onee-chan!” Hina bounds in, throwing open her door without a knock. “Are ya practicing? You sounded great, absolutely bop-pin~!”

Sayo frowns at her sister. “I messed up on the chord progression there.” 

Hina beams back. “Eh, really? That’s okay! You sounded awesome~ I’m so glad to hear you playing again!”

Sayo looks at her hands, hiding her small smile. It’s been a lesson, that Hina doesn’t mean anything awful in those words. Her sister— hard as it is for Sayo to grasp— is never ill-meaning. “Thank you, Hina.”

“Are you going to try out for Yukina-chan’s band? That would be so zappin’, to have you both dating  _ and _ in the same band!”

“I’m not sure yet. It’s not even something for me to consider yet, with my skills still being as poor as they are.” Her hands skim the strings of her guitar, contemplating… Wait. “Hina. Did you just say that Minato-san and I are… dating?”

Hina’s brows furrow. “Aren’t you?”

“No!” The blush spreads lightly, Sayo flushing at the thought of dating Yukina.

“Well, why not? You guys text all the time, and go out together, and you took her to dinner… I mean, that’s what Aya-chan and Chisato-chan do, and  _ they’re _ dating.” 

“Minato-san would never want to date me. Or want me in her band.”

“Hmm, but how can you know that if you don’t try?” Hina bounds forward, takes Sayo’s hand. She squeezes it tight. “Why don’t you just try? I can help you!”

Sayo sighs, gaze sweeping over her guitar. “What would I even do?”

“Hmm…” Hina presses a finger to her lips, eyebrows furrowing once more as she thinks. “You could take your guitar, and play for her outside her house! Or go to her school and serenade her! Or wait in the rain and then play for her, that’s what Aya-chan always does, and it’s really boppin’!” 

Sayo laughs at her sister. “Perhaps… I could record a video of myself playing, and send it to Minato-san?”

Hina’s smile grows. “Let me help!”

They record the video that night. Hina films for her. She plays  _ Louder _ , Yukina’s staple song, singing along a bit, but mainly letting the guitar speak for herself. Hina applauds at the end, but she can’t be satisfied. “Again.” Sayo snaps, picking her guitar back up. 

It takes a dozen trials before Sayo is remotely content with how she’s played. She imports the video to her phone, prepares to send it to Yukina— 

**Yukina Minato: I have found a suitable guitarist for the band.**

**Yukina Minato: Have you heard of Asahi Rokka? She’s a first year at my school, and has great skill at the instrument. She also knows a girl, Udagawa Ako, who may be able to play drums, if her skill is satisfactory. Lastly, I believe my friend, Lisa, would be willing to play support bass, for the time being.**

**Yukina Minato: It seems as if things are coming together. I just wanted to update you.**

Of course, it was foolish to believe Yukina would wait for her, when she’s given the other girl no intimation of her intentions. Sayo locks her phone, intent on dealing with this in the morning. 

At least, that’s what she intends to do. But, her hands shake slightly, and a slip of the thumb leads to what she absolutely didn’t want to do.

_ Sayo Hikawa: [Video attachment.] _

Sayo stares in horror. Maybe she can will the message to unsend. Maybe her phone signal has failed her, as never before, and the message hasn’t sent at all. Maybe Yukina’s accidentally dropped her phone into a river, and she’ll never see it, anyways.

Nevertheless, five minutes later, she types out a shaky, rushed apology.

_ Sayo Hikawa: Please, please, please disregard that. It’s of no importance. _

_ Sayo Hikawa: I’ll speak with you about the band at a later date. Good night. _

She locks her phone, properly this time, before instantly unlocking it and glaring at her messages. It becomes a nervous process that she upkeeps for the next few minutes, before finally locking her phone and willing herself to not pick it up again.

When Sayo opens her phone in the morning and sees no new messages, she doesn’t know if she should feel relief or disappointment

“Sayo-chan, are you alright?” Chisato asks as she walks into the classroom, later than usual. 

“I’m fine.” She adds, shortly.

“We missed you in the student council room.” Rinko adds, reaching out to touch Sayo’s arm. “Did something happen with Yukina-san?”

Sayo had, for once in her life, slept in that morning, unable to urge herself to get out of bed. It wasn’t, she had told herself, the sting of Yukina’s non-answer, rather, it was the embarrassment of putting herself out there.

“No, it was my fault. Just a bad morning.”

“You know, Yukina-chan is an amazing singer, but she’s not the most  _ personable _ person.” Chisato hums, “I know you’re friends with her, Sayo, but sometimes she’s so cold it’s unbearable.”

“It’s not like that.” Sayo says, sharply. Chisato recoils a bit, and Sayo tries to reconsider her tone before speaking again. “She’s not like that, not really, once you get to know her.”

Chisato nods, smiling at Sayo lightly. “I hope it all works out. We three should get a cup of tea someday.”

Sayo nods in return, confused by the turn in conversation. It’s no surprise, though; Chisato is a natural deflector. 

Class begins, and Sayo tries to work as diligently as she always does, but everything weighs down on her.

As she sees it, there are two scenarios. 

In the first, Yukina hasn’t watched the video. Rather, the other girl had, disgusted by Sayo’s lack of respect, deleted her phone number, cutting off all communication. Forever.

In the second, Yukina watched the video, and, horrified by Sayo’s lack of skills, deleted her phone number, cutting off all communication. Forever. Or, is currently composing a five paragraph analysis on her playing, full of scathing remarks.

Much as she tries to put it out of her head, she can’t stop dwelling on it. 

Foolishly, Sayo checks her phone at every break. There’s nothing except messages from Hina, asking if Yukina’s answered yet. 

Although she’s insanely tired, mentally exhausted, Sayo knows she has to uphold her duties as a class officer, and stays after school in the council room, making up for the morning she missed. She stays far later than she usually would, alone with her thoughts, until the sun slips into the horizon.

As Sayo steps outside of Hanasakigawa, she glances at her phone again. Someone clears their throat across the courtyard, but she ignores them. 0 new messages. She lets Hina know she’s on her way home, then slides her phone into her pocket, looking up. 

At first she thinks her eyes are playing tricks on her, spurred on by her intrusive thoughts and the spreading dusk. Sayo would have sworn the girl moving towards her is Yukina Minato, but that’s not possible. It can’t be. 

It can’t be, she tells herself, even as the girl— Yukina, it’s Yukina, stands right in front of her, one hand holding her phone, the other, clenched tight.

“I didn’t disregard the video.” Yukina says, tightly, and Sayo lets out a gasp, unbidden. “But, Sayo, how could I ever? The sound of your guitar… did you watch it?” 

Of course, she has, but Sayo says nothing as Yukina brings up her phone, pulling up the video. She sees herself, pixelated— “This is Sayo Hikawa,” the her on the screen speaks. “Please regard this as an official audition for Yukina Minato’s band.” Mini-Sayo bends her head down, and begins to play. Sayo counts a few mistakes, parts where she was too slow, or fast, and wonders if Yukina has come here to make fun of her. She knows that’s not who Yukina is, though.

When the video ends, Yukina looks back up at the real Sayo. 

“Did you know I used to play the guitar?” She asks. Sayo shakes her head no. “When I was younger. My father taught me, and I grew up hearing him play.” A pause. Sayo wonders what she should say.

“The point is, I know what good guitar sounds like. This,” Yukina shakes her phone, “is good guitar. You’re great. I wish you had never stopped.”

“I have a lot of room to improve.” Sayo bows her head, partially so Yukina won’t see the way she’s flushing.

“I want to offer you the spot of guitarist in my band.” Yukina says, and Sayo jerks her head up so quickly, she feels dizzy.

“You already have a guitarist— Asahi-san—”

“Rokka is skilled as well, but—” Yukina cuts herself off, clenching her fist tighter.

“But what, Minato-san?” Yukina is silent, and Sayo becomes incredibly aware of how close they are. Two girls, alone in a school courtyard, at sunset. It’s the type of thing put in those manga Sayo abhors. “You have to tell me, or else I’ll never believe it.” Sayo adds, reaching out to place her hand in Yukina’s. Somehow, she knows the other girl will not pull away.

“She is not you, Sayo. And, somehow, you have found this place in my life unlike anyone else. It has to be you. Don’t you feel it? Doesn’t it seem right?”

Sayo tightens her grip on Yukina’s hand. “I have to confess it does.” She pauses— but what is there to consider? “I accept your offer. I’ll join.”

Yukina meets Sayo’s eyes, that small smile gracing her features again. Her closed fist raises, and Sayo opens her palm underneath it. Into her hand drops a ring, bronze, with a blue rose on it. Yukina raises her hand, revealing a matching ring on her finger.

“Welcome to Roselia, Sayo.” 


	7. obstacles like (jealousy) / shake it off, that (impulse)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> first rehearsal (except it's actually not). an argument, a conversation that shouldn't have been heard.
> 
> are you truly devoted?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> long time no see!!  
> if you follow my twitter, then you know i took a bit of a break from writing due to personal issues and insecurities. but i've promised that i won't leave ein unfinished, and i stand by that! it just took me a little bit!
> 
> happy birthday as well ako- glad this chapter coincided with that. especially since last chapter was released on sayo's birthday!
> 
> hope you enjoy this chapter (we've hit 10k, and this is the longest chapter yet!)
> 
> title is from black shout

“I mean—” Lisa Imai’s voice drifts out of the practice room. “You don’t really know her.”

“I know her enough. I trust her.” Yukina replies, voice firm. Having known Yukina for a number of years, Lisa is the only one brave enough to question her. 

And question she does. “Why?” Lisa says, loudly. Loud enough that Sayo can’t even pretend she didn’t hear it, waiting in CiRCLE’s lobby. 

Of course, she’s heard the rest of the conversation. Enough to know that she shouldn’t be hearing it, that she should leave. But something about Lisa and Yukina’s conversation had been pulling on her, telling her to stay. One hand on her guitar case, she looks away from the hallway.

“You don’t know her.” Lisa repeats, clearer. “And she doesn’t know you. She’s just a stalker fan, can’t you see that?” 

“Lisa.” Yukina says, not raising her voice. The conversation quiets, and Sayo’s left alone with her thoughts.

Her face is burning. Fuck.

Sayo doesn’t like to swear, it’s crude, but really, what else is there to say? Fuck.

She’s gripping the strap of her guitar case so tightly that her knuckles are white, and her face seems to be contorted similarly, if Marina-san’s concerned look has anything to say. 

She releases the guitar case as she breezes out of the studio. “Please tell Minato-san that I’ve gone to get a drink.” Sayo asks Marina-san, who nods back, still looking worried. 

* * *

 

CiRCLE’s cafe is perfectly nice, and Sayo’s sure she would enjoy whatever he’s drinking (tea? coffee? juice?) if she wasn’t having a mental crisis at the moment.

She knew this was too far, too much. She spins the ring around her finger as her thoughts spiral similarly.

Sayo wants to tell herself that she isn’t a stalker fan, that she’s been able to let go of her ideal “Yukina,” as she’s gotten to know the real one, but the truth is…

Well. She can’t promise that there’s no small part of her which doesn’t see Yukina on a pedestal.

A tiny one. One that barely raises her above Sayo. 

(Of course, that’s actually a tall pedestal, because Yukina is quite a bit shorter than Sayo. Damn Sayo’s rational mind.)

She spins the ring faster. Her friendship with Yukina had been unexpected, to say the least, but not ingenuine. After all, why would Yukina ask her to join Roselia if she didn’t believe Sayo would be a valuable addition? If she didn’t… like Sayo?

Unless Yukina pitied her.

The ring spins so quickly it flings off her finger, ricocheting off one of the cafe tables. She sighs, crouching under another table to pick it up.

“Hikawa-san?” A soft voice asks. Sayo whips her head up, smacking straight into the metal top of the table. She hisses in pain. 

“Sayo-san, you alright?” Another, more energetic voice asks.

“Yes, yes, I’m fine. Thank you,” She looks up, moving out from under the table. “Shirokane-san. Udagawa-san.”

Ako smiles at Sayo, and then turns to Rinko. “Rin-rin, you know Sayo-san? She’s in Roselia!”

“Yes, we go to the same school.” Sayo stands up, facing the two other girls. “Shirokane-san, are you here to drop Udagawa-san off, or…”

“O-oh! Ako-chan invited me… to come watch… Roselia’s practice.” 

“You did?” Sayo looks at Ako, who nods, looking fearful. Sayo sighs again. “I’m sorry to disappoint, but Roselia is nowhere near the proper level to have outside listeners. This is only our third meeting, as you know, and we still lack a full-time bassist, or any keyboardist.” 

“Ako thought Rin-rin might enjoy it anyways! I want her to see how super cool Roselia is!”

“But—” Sayo pinches the bridge of her nose, deciding then and there to give in. Rinko might be a welcome distraction from the conversation Sayo just walked away from. “Nevermind. I’ll do my best to show Roselia’s true strength.”

Rinko laughs a little. Sayo frowns. She hadn’t meant to be funny.

“Sayo-san is always saying cool things like that!” Ako makes an expression that’s evidently meant to be like Sayo’s. “Like, ‘Roselia will rise to the top, on the wings of our own music.’ or, ‘Kukuku~ Roselia’s dark powers are rising~’”

“I’m pretty sure I’ve never said that last one…” Sayo mumbles under Rinko’s kind laughter. 

The three girls head back into CiRCLE, Sayo clenching the ring so tightly in her hand that it’s sure to leave a mark.

* * *

 

“Imai-san.” Sayo says, stepping into the room. “Have you decided to join us permanently?”

Lisa puffs out her cheeks and makes a pouty face, looking down at her nails.

“I’m not skilled enough, Sayo, you know that~” The girl frowns. “I can’t keep up with you three. This is my first time playing in years.”

_ “Mine too.” _ Sayo wants to say, but she remembers what Lisa called her earlier, and swallows her words. It’s petty, to not say it, but if Imai-san doesn’t want to join Roselia and doesn’t want to like Sayo, then what’s the point in playing friends?

Sayo nods instead, offering less-comforting words. “If you practice enough, you’re sure to improve.” 

Yukina cuts in before Lisa can respond. “And who is this?”

“This is Shirokane Rinko-san.” Sayo says before Ako can go off on a tangent about ‘Rin-rin.’ “She goes to school with me and is friends with Udagawa-san, who has invited her here to watch us play.”

“Hey, Rinko-chan~” Lisa greets, just as Yukina states, “We aren’t at that level yet.”

A small smile graces Sayo’s lips at the repetition of her words. “I agree, but Udagawa-san wants to show her how ‘super cool’ Roselia is. It does no harm to have one onlooker— in fact, we may benefit from a pair of fresh eyes and ears.”

Yukina nods, expression unchanging, and then addresses Rinko. “If you don’t mind, I would appreciate having a practice of ours recorded. No posting to social media. Or showing anyone else.”

Startled, Rinko nods frantically, pulling out her phone. “T-tell me when, please!”

Sayo looks around the room. Ako is tapping her drumsticks together anxiously, bursting with unspent energy. Lisa is picking at her strings, no longer minding her nails. Her manicure has been chipped since their first rehearsal, and she’s made no effort to repaint her nails. Perhaps she really isn’t as on-the-fence about joining as she shows, Sayo thinks. With a bit more encouragement, Imai-san would join permanently. 

Sayo scowls at the twist in her gut that rejects that idea. How absurd to let personal feelings get in the way of the good of the band. Lisa is not a perfect bassist, but she has serious potential. Her playing is somewhat unrefined and simplistic, but it’s unique. Unlike Sayo’s playing, she berates herself.

Lastly, Yukina. The vocalist is doing some warm-ups at the mic, nothing that Sayo understands the purpose of, but she understands it to be important. Not for the first time, she’s struck by the power in Yukina. Such a powerful voice from such a tiny body, and such a domineering presence from someone physically insignificant.

As Yukina finishes her warm-ups, the girl turns to make eye contact with Sayo.

It’s the first time Yukina’s looked directly at her since Sayo arrived, and the energy from it is enough to make her forget all about her self-doubts, if just for a moment. Yukina’s face is stone-cold, but still, it shocks Sayo to her core.

And then Yukina smiles at her. “Sayo. Are you ready to play as hard as you can?”

Ignoring Ako’s stage-whisper of “Ooh! They’re doing the thing, look, Rin-rin, look!,” Sayo smiles back. She feels the eyes of the three other girls on her, but all she sees is Yukina. 

“In practice, like on stage,” Sayo says, knowing Yukina will complete her phrase.

“On stage, like in practice.” Yukina finishes, not breaking eye contact. “All right, Roselia. Let’s go.  _ Black Shout. _ ”  __

Black Shout is a hard song for their debut song. Sayo has a tricky part in the opening, a solo mid-way through the song, and has a solo part to sing. At their other two practices, she’s always managed to screw up one of the three, every run-through.

But watching the video of their practice, she has to admit to herself that no drastic mistakes were made.

“Wo-oow~!” Ako says, drawing out the sound. “We sound amazing! Good job, guys!” She smiles at the other four girls huddled around the phone.

“Yeah, good work, everyone!” Lisa speaks with similar enthusiasm. 

“We cannot allow ourselves to become complacent,” Yukina says, but she sounds happy too. “One good run-through does not make a good band. But that  _ was _ a good run-through. We should look to match that in the future, and then exceed it.”

Sayo nods in agreement. “Shirokane-san, what did you think?”

“I— I—!” Rinko blushes as every eye turns to look at her. “Roselia... really is a-amazing, just like Ako-chan said!”

“T-the one thing…” Rinko adds, “I think... Roselia needs… a keyboardist… to complete the sound...” 

Yukina frowns. “It’s on our list of priorities, but we haven’t been able to find anyone yet. I found Sayo and Ako by chance, so I don’t quite know how to proceed.” 

“We’ve talked about this a bit, Minato-san,” Sayo adds. “I just don’t know how to recruit musicians if you don’t know or know of anyone. And none of us know anyone who plays keyboard.”

Lisa takes on a serious expression. “Hey, no, I’ve gotta know someone! I just need to call around more! Or, or something… We’ve gotta make this work!” She says passionately. Very passionately about a band she’s said she can’t be in.

“Hey, but we can perform just the four of us, right?” Ako asks with a finger on her chin in thought. “It won’t be horrible, because the four-member Roselia is already so cool!”

“Three-member Roselia,” Yukina says before Sayo can. “Lisa is only here to help out.”

Rinko raises her hand, and then, blushing, drops it. “S-sorry. But, um, ah—”

“What is it, Rin-rin?” Ako asks, bouncing up and down.

“I.. I can play the keyboard.”

“What?!” Ako exclaims, bolting up to Rinko and grabbing her hands. “Wow, Rin-rin, you never told me! This is amazing!”

Sayo nods. “Now I remember. You won an award for playing piano a couple of years ago, correct?”

“That award… was a long time ago…” Rinko releases Ako’s hands and looks at the other three girls. “But… I want to play… with Roselia.”

Yukina looks doubtful. “You get an audition. One song.” It’s the same conditions she had given Ako, at an audition Sayo hadn’t been present for. Sayo supposes she had also gotten the same, if not intentionally, and not on purpose. “U-um… if it’s alright… I can play now.”

“Shirokane-san? You feel certain enough in your abilities to audition right now?” The slight jealousy that runs through Sayo is not unprecedented. She ignores it.

“Well… Ako-chan sent me a video… from your last practice… And I’ve been playing along with it… So I think I can try.”

Yukina guides Rinko to the studio’s keyboard. “Let’s play together.” She says. Sayo lines up at her guitar.

The feeling as they play together is nothing like Sayo’s ever felt before.

She’s been in other, ill-fated bands. She’s played better than she is right now. But the feeling of the five of them playing together is unlike anything else.

Like Yukina said to her the other day: Don’t you feel it? Doesn’t it seem right?

“Rin-rin, that was amazing!” Ako squeals, wrapping her arms around Rinko’s waist as the song finishes. “Don’t you think so, Yukina-san, Sayo-san?”

Lisa grins widely. “Nice, Rinko-chan!”

“..How.,” Yukina says quietly. Sayo looks at her. “How does this keep happening?”

“Minato-san?”

“Nevermind.” Yukina shakes her head. “You have the proper skill, Rinko-san. You’re invited to join Roselia.”

Ako beams. Sayo smiles as well. “Congratulations, Shirokane-san.”

“So now all we need is a full-time bassist,” Sayo says, watching Lisa tense up.

“We don’t need to find a bassist! We have Lisa-nee!” Ako exclaims.

“Ako…” 

“Roselia sounds good as the four of us, right?” Ako looks for acknowledgment from Sayo and Yukina. “So it should sound even better as the five of us!”

“My skill isn’t good enough for Roselia,” Lisa says.

“But it can be, Lisa-nee!” 

“If you practice enough, you’re sure to improve.” Sayo echoes her earlier words. “Imai-san. You may not have the technical skills, but your performance today was good.” 

Yukina frowns. “Sayo is right. Lisa, if you are willing to join, I will offer you a spot. But if you can’t keep up—” 

“No.” Lisa cuts off Yukina. “If I’m holding Roselia back, you tell me, and I’ll quit. I won’t hold back the band.”

Yukina nods. “Welcome to Roselia, Lisa.”

It isn’t as dramatic as Sayo’s recruitment. There’s no ring. It’s not sunset outside Hanasakigawa. But the pronouncement feels just as important, and as they exit the practice room, Sayo feels… united with the other four girls.

Yukina walks to the front desk, Sayo trailing behind her.“Marina-san, I’d like to reserve this time slot every day for the next two months.”

“So, Roselia is completely ready-to-go now?” Marina smiles at the five girls. “Well, I offer this to all my regular bands. Instead of paying for your practice time, how about paying CiRCLE back with a live show? Say… next month? I’m having an event with other bands in the neighborhood, and I think it would be perfect for Roselia’s debut.”

Yukina furrows her brows. “I accept your offer. Thank you, Marina-san.”

As they walk to the other girls, Sayo gapes at Yukina. “You aren’t even going to talk to everybody else about it?”

“Why should I?” Yukina says, blunt as ever. “There doesn’t need to be a discussion about it.”

“Yes, there does!” Sayo exclaims and then lowers her voice. “We are a band now. I know you’re used to working as a soloist, but there are some things that are the business of the entire band.”

“What’s up?” Lisa asks, seated with Rinko and Ako.

“Minato-san has scheduled us an event to perform at. Next month”

“Wow!” Ako blurts, underscoring Rinko’s questioning, “..Already?”

Lisa frowns. “Sayo is right. We need to talk about these things together before we agree to anything.”

“So you don’t want to do it?” Yukina snaps. 

“No one’s saying that, Minato-san. We just need to come to an agreement on these things beforehand. I think performing at the event is a good idea, but that doesn’t mean everyone else agrees.”

Yukina frowns but doesn’t say anything.

“So, guys? What do you think?” Lisa pipes up. “I’m all for it!”

Ako slams her palms on the table. “Yeah, let’s do it!”

Rinko looks less enthusiastic. “I… I don’t know how well I’ll be on stage… But I want to try.. Y-yeah, let’s do it!”

“We’re going to have to work as hard as we can.” Yukina smiles slightly. “We meet here at the same time tomorrow.” 

Sayo murmurs agreement, slipping the rose ring back onto her finger. She hadn’t put it back on earlier, after dropping it. 

Yukina glances at her hand as Sayo does it, but says nothing.

The group splits up after that: Lisa and Yukina live next door to each other, and Rinko and Ako walk home together. 

Leaving Sayo alone with her thoughts. 

But for once in her life, she pushes them aside, thinking only of Roselia. Not of interpersonal issues, not of Yukina, but of the band.

That is, until her phone buzzes, and she pulls it out to a new message.

_ Lisa~: Sayo? Can we talk? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fufufufu as always, leave kudos or a comment if you liked it! and follow my twitter @chkariko!

**Author's Note:**

> hi i love yukisayo!! this is a WIP-- i don't know how long it'll be, or when i'll update. but comments & kudos always make me keep going!! i'll finish this one way or another~  
> i talk more about this au on my twitter @chkariko-- follow me there for updates etc. 
> 
> p.s.: ein is german for "one" because yukina is a solo artist... get it... 
> 
> okay xoxo love you my wifi will cut out in ONE minute


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